


Excerpts from the Journal of Lucretia von Aimes, D.Eng., PhD, D.Phil., etc.

by septmars



Category: Original Work
Genre: Diary/Journal, Epistolary, F/M, Science Experiments, Taxes, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-05 15:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septmars/pseuds/septmars
Summary: With additional notes and reporting by her assistant, Tristan Norwood.





	Excerpts from the Journal of Lucretia von Aimes, D.Eng., PhD, D.Phil., etc.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunarium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarium/gifts).



> Happy Valentines' Day!

_~~21~~ _ _25/2/101_

EUREKA!!!! Finally discovered the solution to reduce energy expenditure: adding solar microchips to the flux capacitor. If one adds the microchips directly, they would interfere with the generated electromagnet field BUT if one adds the microchips WITH some tungsten coil, they would not interfere with the EMP. Did three tests, all clean!

Cannot wait to tell Jem and shove it in her face. Impossible, she said HA! She should know better than to doubt ME.

T says today is the 25th. Thought he was joking, because I distinctly remember going to the lab in the 20th and can’t possibly be in there for five days. No. T was right. Today is the 25th. 5 days!!!! Need to pay more attention to date & time, etc. etc. Worried about laundry still in the cleaners, but T took care of it. Bless him!

Ran some more tests on the Machine. Unsatisfied by how inefficient it still is. Baby steps. T heard rumbling noises from the Machine and found that some bolts near the capacitor are loose. ~~Tungsten coil?~~ Nope, that should be safe. Design problems, perhaps. Enlarging the bolts?

H called and asked for progress report. Wouldn’t want report over the phone, demanded a dinner. Said it would also count as Mother’s death anniversary dinner. Has it already been 5 years already? But of course, it is.

UPDATE. Dinner would be with _whole family_!!! H  conveniently forgot to mention that one IMPORTANT detail until I’d agreed to come. AND THEN Aunt B called and asked if I’d be okay with lobster stew for the appetizer. Tried to cancel, but H threatened to cut off funding. The things I do for science!

—

**Laboratory Report (Executive Summary)**

Date: 25/05/2101

Reporter: Tristan Norwood

Dr von Aimes emerged from her personal laboratory with a solution for the problem of electromagnetic interference. She suggested wrapping the flux capacitor with a tungsten solenoid. Although there are worries that the solenoid would interact with the titanium alloy in the generator, initial simulations suggests that if the width of the tungsten wire is 32 x 10-4m, and the length of the solenoid 1.2 m the interaction is only 0.002ω. This method of using tungsten solenoid to counteract the electromagnetic interference is amazingly innovative and can be used in a wide variety of application.

Conducted three initial tests with the tungsten solenoid

Test 1 yields a decrease in energy expenditure by 33.2%. The Machine works as intended with no visible disruptions.

Test 2 yields a decrease in energy expenditure by 33.02%. The Machine works as intended with no visible disruptions.

Test 3 yields a decrease in energy expenditure by 33.2%. The Machine works as intended with no visible disruptions. […]

 

_25/02/2101_

To do

  * Pick up laundry for von Aimes
  * Request test results on the EMP inductor from Gilbert
  * Check up on von Aimes. Make sure she eats _all_ of her food. Check the trash to see if she threw away some of them (like yesterday).
  * Shop: 2 milk, 1 chicken, 2kg beef, 2kg carrots, 2 salt, 2 pepper, 1 flour, 3kg onion, 4kg potatoes, 1kg lemons, 1kg arugula, 1kg tomatoes, 2kg cucumber, 1 red wine
  * Lunch: ~~Chicken piccata~~ and salad. von Aimes wants lemon grilled chicken ~~~~
  * Dinner: Boeuf bourgignon.
  * Organize the filing closet M-O
  * Check the lubricant stock



The Prime Minister himself called to say that von Aimes have to go to a family dinner on the 3rd. He emphasised that she has to go or he’ll be “forced” to recommend that funding be discontinued. Downside of having the Prime Minister as a brother.

Lynn called to remind that tax season is approaching and _all_ of us have to file, most importantly—she shouted at me about this—von Aimes. Election season is coming soon and the PM doesn’t want any bad press about her tax returns, or lack thereof. _Another_ downside of having the PM as a brother.

—

_28/2/101_

Science DOES not favour me today. The rumbling still persisted even after we changed the bolts. Upside: they do not loosen. Rumbling persisted even after we removed the tungsten coil. Something with the generator? Chassis. Cage. Suspension engine. Inductor. ANY of them can be the problem. MUST investigate further!!!!

[ _various scribbles and hand-written complex formulas]_

T has taken the annoying habit of reminding me to go to bed every night. He does that every time I sleep in the laboratory but he becomes _very_ persistent now. Said H will kill him if I show up at the Dreaded Dinner with heavy eye-bags. Bollocks. H will not kill him because then I’d force him to give me another assistant.

I DID IT AGAIN!!! After 2 days in the lab, finally found what’s been creating that rumbling sound. The alloy in the inductor’s chassis reacts badly with the tungsten coil. Nothing a simple wrap of aluminium foil couldn’t fix. On the matter of energy

T approaches with a garment bag. Ominous expression. The day of the Dreaded Dinner has come at last!

—

_03/03/2101_

To do:

  * Monitor von Aimes’s caffeine intake. She consumed 15 (!!!) cups of coffee yesterday.
  * Monitor von Aimes’s general well-being. Check for signs of caffeine poisoning, malnutrition, etc.
  * Pick up von Aimes’s dinner clothes from the cleaners
  * Shop: 1 carton of eggs, 5 chicken thighs, 1 head of cabbage, 1 salmon, 1 bunch of asparagus
  * Lunch: Chicken karaage and salad.
  * Dinner: Poached salmon with steamed asparagus and béchamel sauce. Indulgent, but I deserve it.
  * No dinners to cook for the rest of the team!!
  * Make sure von Aimes is presentable for dinner (hair, hygiene, ~~makeup~~ )
  * Organize the filing closet S-U
  * Run some more wavelength analysis on the data obtained yesterday
  * Request laser data from Charlotte
  * TYPE UP THOSE REPORTS
  * ~~Check with the accounting department~~ I _am_ the accounting department
  * Ask everyone for receipts. Search for paystubs.
  * Brush up on tax code. Bug Lynn if confused.



The PM’s secretary have constantly messaged me to ensure that von Aimes is going to the dinner. When asked why does he go to me instead of von Aimes herself, said I was the only one in the world, beside her brother (and not without some great difficulty), who could make her do something. Flattered (a little bit), but she’s still my superior technically i.e. she can override any decisions I’ve made, so not quite sure how effective I would be.

She’s never overridden any of my decisions, though. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future.

Note to self: stop worrying about hierarchy, relationships etc. and start eating more poached salmons.

Have some mozzarella left. Rustic Italian salad? Von Aimes has been eating nothing but meat lately (she threw away her salads and tried to be subtle about it, though I noticed. I always notice). Worried about her (lack of) vegetable consumption.

—

_4/3/101_

SURVIVED THE DREADED DINNER. Managed not to storm out of the room even once, even when Aunt C, Uncle D, and V were being very annoying. Perhaps the 10th time in a year they’ve asked about my personal life. Too busy with the Machine to have a personal life. Relatives unappreciative of my efforts to advance humanity’s scientific knowledge, as always.

But W backed me up, as usual. Dear W! He is too good for H, though I’m always grateful he is my brother-in-law. What did H do to deserve such a sweet husband, I’ll never know. Better off finding a way to warp-travel.

Warp-travel. Perhaps it is possible, if one could find a way to [ _unintelligible scribbles, complex mathematical equations_ ]

NO NO _NO_!!! Too busy with the Machine, don’t have enough time for another project. The Machine still needs my attention!!

But T could help? If I have to recommend anyone in the world for this project, I’d recommend him. He is perhaps the only person in this world (other than me) intelligent enough to discover warp-travel.

Note: broach the subject with him during lunch.

Update: broached the subject of warp-travel with T during lunch (salad with mozzarella). He seemed…pleased? But demurred, saying that he has too much in his plate already. Tax season is coming soon and he has to organize the team’s tax returns (really???). Was reminded that I had to file my own taxes too but would rather him doing mine.

Update 2: today’s dinner is ratatouille. Officially has not eaten meat in a day. May have offended T. Must apologize.

—

To: Valerie Lynn

From: Tristan Norwood

Subject: Questions about Taxes

Good afternoon, Director. I hope this e-mail finds you well. I have some questions regarding taxes, specifically about individual team members’ tax returns. More specifically about Dr von Aimes’s tax returns […]

_04/03/2101_

To do:

  * Put von Aimes’s clothes to the cleaners
  * Request some more laser data from Charlotte
  * Check up on Fatima about analysis on the effect of the tungsten coil on the performance of the flux capacitor
  * Get the data on EMP from Gilbert.
  * Must get receipts on generator parts from Matt.
  * Von Aimes wants energy data. Ask Jordan about it.
  * Shop: 2kg eggplants, 0.5kg each of red and yellow peppers, 1.5kg Roma tomatoes, 1.5kg heirloom tomatoes, 1 can of San Marzano, 2 bunch of fresh basils, 1kg courgettes, 0.5kg red onions.
  * Lunch: tomato basil salad with mozzarella cheese
  * Dinner: ratatouille
  * SEND THOSE REPORTS
  * Start compiling all receipts, paystubs, etc
  * Start working on those damn taxes (couldn’t we just hire an accountant for this. Secrecy shmecrecy)
  * Organize the filing closet V-Z
  * Pour self a bottle of good red wine for finally organizing the last of those damned closets
  * Ask Lynn about von Aimes’s tax returns



Had lunch with von Aimes today. She talked about warp travel and how I would be the perfect person to helm a project about it (her specific words: “If there is anyone in this world, aside from me, that could discover warp-travel it’s you.”). She called me the smartest person she knew, aside from her (exact words: “You’re the smartest person I know in this world, besides myself.”), which is the highest praise one could get from her.

Felt like one of those embarrassing dreams I sometimes have but didn’t end like those dreams usually do. Almost made me forget myself and said yes to her (would follow her to the ends of the galaxy, but too busy to do that this month). ~~I she~~ [ _further unintelligible scratches_ ]

Ideas for tomorrow’s meals: fresh spring rolls, grilled vegetable salad, minestrone.

No-one in the team has any idea on how to do their damn taxes. They have at least twenty PhDs between them, but I have to teach them about withdrawals and deductions. Unbelievable.

—

_~~28~~ _ _30/3/101_

Progress on the Machine is going well. The improvements reduced the energy expenditure by more than 30% POST tungsten coil. We need further additional tests to know the viability of these improvements, of course, but I’m optimistic. Perhaps we could have the Machine announced publicly on June. Did H say we can announce the Machine? Or perhaps he wanted it to keep hush-hush? In any case, impossible to keep something as revolutionary as the Machine under wraps e.g. the atomic bomb experiment.

In the case of warp-travel, initial calculations and tests are promising. Need to be polished before any hope of funding, of course. But T has been an absolute dear, helping with the equations and formulas. He still insists on his “two coffees a day, eat more vegetables” approach wrt me, so gratefulness slightly dimmed.

Valerie Lynn called to remind me to file my tax returns (sp?). I said everything should be taken care by T (T does take care of these things, right? Hopeless with anything not science/Machine-related). Lynn replied that it would still do me good to know about my financial situation. Okay. Suppose couldn’t hurt to learn a bit more about taxes etc.

Note: inquire about tax returns to T (how does one get one’s tax returns anyway, is there a website one goes to? Do the government send it by mail? How could they know where to send it)

!!! Result on long-term tungsten coil viability test has just come out and IT CAME CLEAN!!! F simulates more than a million scenarios and they result in minimal to no interference!! The journal folks would be ESTATIC to hear this and I could _officially_ tell Jem to shove it but T said any publication coming out of this project would have to have the approval of a long list of people. That damned confidential status! Science should be shared with _everyone_ , not kept behind doors!!!

But without confidential status, H wouldn’t approve funding. No funding = no project. Sacrifice must be made for the sake of scientific progress (even if said progress occur clandestinely).

—

_30/03/2101_

To do:

  * SEND THOSE TAX RETURNS!!!
  * Pour self a whole glass of the best whiskey available at the liquor store
  * Pick up clothes (von Aimes and mine) from the cleaners
  * Get viability report from Fatima
  * Run some more wavelength simulation on the Machine
  * Simulate von Aimes’s calculations re: warp travel (the one marked in yellow, not the one marked in red)
  * Send a birthday card to Charlotte’s husband (two, from von Aimes and me)
  * Ask Gilbert to run some more electromagnetic tests on the generator (again)
  * Shop: 2 fettuccine, 1kg lemons, 2 bunch parsley, 1kg jackfruit, 1 packet of tortillas.
  * Lunch: jackfruit tacos
  * Dinner: pasta aglio e olio



Viability test result is out, and everything is excellent! Von Aimes is ecstatic, talking about publications etc., and some gloating wrt to Dr Kirksey. Had to tell her about what being confidential means.

Charlotte asked to clock out early because it’s her husband’s birthday. Said yes, but wondered why she asked me instead of von Aimes. Von Aimes likely not care, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

She is still quite angry at me about the max 2 coffees a day and limited meat thing, but she also shows visible signs of health improvement so w/e.

Von AImes asked me about tax returns. Lynn apparently called about “taking charge of her financial situation.” Told her they were probably going to send them in a week or so. Should be happy re: von Aimes and taxes, but could only feel dread. Must be the whiskey.

—

_8/4/101_

UNBELIEVABLE!! OUTRAGEOUS!!! ROBBERY!!!

Tax returns came in today and CANNOT believe how much one paid in taxes!! One can buy 1kg titanium-tungsten alloy with it!!

Could there be an error in accounting? But T wouldn’t make any mistakes, especially with something as SIMPLE as taxes. Ergo, the fault lies with the tax office. MUST tell H!!!!

H not answering calls. E-mail it is.

Logical Argument for Tax:

One pays tax from one’s salary-> salary comes from funding->funding comes from gov’t revenue->gov’t revenue comes from tax->one pays one’s own salary???

A closed loop!!

Pros for Tax (according to T):

  * Funds scientific endeavours (like ourselves)
  * Funds libraries (+++++)
  * Funds zoos
  * Funds museums (++++)
  * Funds public services (like roads) and healthcare



Cons for Tax:

  * Illogical for public servants to pay tax see above
  * OUTRAGEOUSLY HIGH RATE
  * 1kg titanium-tungsten alloy!!!!



QED people who receive salary from the gov’t needn’t to pay tax. T says this would be unfair, but the opposite would be ILLOGICAL.

Tax conundrum taking up most focus. Cannot concentrate on the Machine or warp-travel!!!!

 

To: Henry von Aimes

From: Lucretia von Aimes

Subject: FIX THIS!

Hal, I just received my tax returns and am shocked at the number I have to pay! For that amount I could buy 1kg of titanium-tungsten alloy or a working miniature of the Hubble Telescope. There must be some kind of mistake with the revenue services. Please tell the people there to fix it.

Also: why do people who receive salary from the gov’t still pay tax? That means we are paying our OWN salary, no? How is that logical??? May I propose tax exemption for people who draw salary from gov’t fund? MPs would reap profits from such exemption, so I’m sure this motion would pass easily.

Give Will and the kids my love. Maybe I’ll pay a visit soon, if I’m finished with the Machine and this TAX DILEMMA.

Your loving sister,

L.

 

To: Lucretia von Aimes

From: Henry von Aimes

Subject: RE: FIX THIS!

Have an accountant look over your tax (and by accountant, I don’t mean Norwood, but an actual independent professional accountant). If the accountant finds a discrepancy in the amount you should pay and the amount you actually pay, they’ll know how to tell the revenue services to fix it.

Your proposal would result in a public riot and would not pass. Suck it up: the only certain things in life are death and tax.

Dinner at my house, next Tuesday @ 6 p.m. Will and the kids said hi back.

H.

—

_08/04/2101_

  * Run zero G simulation on the Machine
  * Kill Lynn for giving von Aimes the idea to look at her tax returns
  * Shop: 2 big semolina, 1 carton of eggs, 2 med all-purpose flour, 1 pesto, 5 pancetta,1kg shrimp, 1kg mussels, 1 med paella rice, some bunches of basil, parsley, ~~belladonna, foxgloves~~
  * Lunch: pasta carbonara
  * Dinner: paella
  * Pick up laundry
  * Ponder about career, general life choices, etc.



Pros of staying here:

  * Involved in cutting-edge technology research
  * Von Aimes is the smartest, most ingenious person on the planet
  * Von Aimes is a great boss (most of the time)
  * Von Aimes thinks very highly of me
  * Would follow von Aimes to the ends of the earth
  * Great, intelligent and passionate co-workers
  * Great salary and benefits
  * Bettering the world through science and expanding humanity’s knowledge



Cons:

  * Most of the people here have little to no basic life skills
  * Von Aimes is scarily turning into the type of rich loons that rant about the government and how it’s talking all of their money
  * ~~Sometimes~~ Often resemble more of a madhouse than a place of innovation and learning
  * If I have to explain government revenue and rates to von Aimes again I’m hanging myself.



—

_11/4/101_

The accountant has finished inspecting my tax returns and found _no_ irregularities. Am thinking the problem lies in how high the tax rates are. Am thinking of several solutions to the problem.

In other news, work on the Machine went well. The simulation is a success, and Miroslav’s newly-published paper gave me some ideas on how to increase the efficiency of the generator.

Warp-travel is still in very early stages, but it’s promising. T has made some great inroads with the preliminary calculations and perhaps we’ll share the findings with others and tell them what they think.

H called to remind me to attend the dinner. Well, at least it’s only with W and the kids.

 

_12/4/101_

FINALLY A WAY TO MINIMIZE TAX BILL: marriage. W said married people have lots of tax incentives, and the accountant agrees. Marriage can reduce tax bill up to 30%(!!!) Splendid!!! Now, who should I marry?

A very short list of acquaintances that I would not mind marrying for tax purposes

  * Gilbert: happily married to his husband
  * Charlotte: ditto
  * Fatima: has a girlfriend
  * Matt: asexual
  * Jem: hades incarnate. Also, already has a wife.
  * Tristan: single. Interested in girls (distinctly remembered an ex-girlfriend). Could work.



W says a good marriage is founded upon mutual interests (though in that case, how did H and he get together and stay together for more than 10 years, I don't know). T and I share a lot of the same interest. We are both scientists, inventors, committed to expanding the sum of humanity’s scientific knowledge.

Marry T:

  * Reduced tax bill
  * T and I have a lot in common
  * Companionship (better than a dog anyhow)
  * Would likely result in a mutual, profitable scientific partnership a la Marie and Pierre Curie
  * Any child we have (if we do decide to have children) would certainly be a genius
  * Our situation would not change much, as he is already living with me, cooks for me, picks up my laundry, etc.
  * Can finally tell Aunt C and Uncle D to shove it
  * T would not ask me to pick him over science, as my previous lovers did.



Not Marry T

  * May have to change name to Norwood (a lot of people keep their maiden names after marriage, but know some old stooges would call me Dr Norwood)
  * Less money for books??? (unlikely, we have each our own means, and T would not ask me for money)
  * Marriage is complicated and a bother



QED marriage

Update: presented T my proposal, and he went red all over the face and started to sputter. Poor darling! Must be a reaction to the prawn curry, but he insists he’s not allergic to shellfish. Did not reject my proposal, though.

Told W about this, and he said T might be more amenable if I dated him before proposing marriage. Dating is even more a bother than marriage, but would be willing to try if it’s T.

Update 2: presented T with my amended proposal, which included a trial period i.e. dating. He accepted. We start the marriage experiment tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly lifted the pros/cons marriage list from [Charles Darwin's own marriage pros/cons list](https://www.darwinproject.ac.uk/tags/about-darwin/family-life/darwin-marriage).
> 
> Am a humanities student and know nothing about science, engineering, etc. beyond half-remembered lessons from high school. So every scientific things depicted here is purely straight from my imagination.


End file.
